Blather

Atlanta, Friday June 20, 2008

I woke up at the way-too-early hour of 03:55 so I could get to Oakland Airport in time to go through security and board my flight to Salt Lake City. Richie and Kimmie woke up soon after I did. The cats were confused because it was still night and we were awake. Schlanke was happy to get a whole handful of kitty greenies, but mussed up my blankets in trying to bury the few that she couldn’t eat.

I had showered and shaved only five hours before, so I just got dressed in my traveling clothes. A pair of slacks from my Thailand days, a Disney T-shirt, my Hawaiian shirt and the latest addition to my sartorial elegance, a pair of Big-5 Crocs clones. Took us about ten minutes to get out the door, which was fine, since there was no traffic at 04:10. Kimmie gave me a big hug before we got in their 4-Runner. We talked about things they could do without me- painting, yard work, etc. When we got to the airport, I got a big group hug from these two terrific kids and I went inside to check in. No problem with Delta’s check-in gal. I could have carried my one small bag, but I wanted to bring my home-made knife and my tiny Swiss Army knife, so I needed a check-in bag. I saw lots of other passengers with humongous wheelie bags, computer bags, purses, backpacks, and even Camelback backpacks. Made me feel downright semi-dressed.

The flight to Salt Lake City was 100%. They were asking for people to give up their seats and fly later. I couldn’t do that, so I didn’t volunteer. About that time, I regretted leaving my gum in the carry-on because my ears were popping. I took my glasses off and pulled my Web Nation baseball cap down over my eyes and tried to sleep. I took an El Paso on the free coffee.

In Salt Lake City, I had an hour until my next flight, so I bought a newspaper for fifty cents. Seemed like a very good price for something that you get from a “they have no alternative” airport monopoly. I guess the vendors make up for it with bottled water- two dollars for a half-liter.

The flight to Atlanta was long and boring. I got stuck in the middle seat between two uncommunicative guys. The crew tried to flog headsets so I could watch the movie. I did the crossword instead. From time to time, I glanced up at the movie- something about strange creatures and some endearing, middle-class children. If I get a chance, I may watch it on HBO soon.

Atlanta is a big airport. Took me 20 minutes to find the baggage claim area. I got my one small bag, called my son for the number of the contact here in Georgia, and gave him a call. Mike said to meet the guys at the Greyhound area on the lower level. I grabbed a Wendy’s burger and found the meeting place.

After an hour watching a gaggle of black Suburbans pick up folks who thought they were rock stars, I noticed a group of what looked like off-duty cops. (You have to have a bit of experience with cops to get a sense of what they look like.) Sure enough, that was the right group. We waited a bit for a large charter bus and then spent 90 minutes looking at rural Georgia until we got to Fort Benning. We went through some classic Army-style burocracy, getting our bed linens from a rolling rack and our pillows from a giant garbage bag. Bunk assignments were by alphabetical order. Or should that be “alphabedical” order? A quick shower and then a novelty- going to sleep without a TV in the room. My roomies were good- no snoring- but I didn’t sleep well. Woke up at 7AM, three hours earlier for this California kid, and began a day of processing. I’d forgotten how convoluted, arbitrary and superficially pointless the Army can be. This is strange, not quite military, not quite civilian employment. Our den mother is competent, which helps, but he has to touch all the military bases, some of which do not appear to have earthly locales.

We filled out many, many forms, each with LastName, FirstName, DateOfBirth and Social Security Number on them. For reasons only known to my employer and the Army, the other BEA guy and I did not have to do the physical performance stuff in Fredericksburg, VA. One of my roomies regaled me with tales of being loaded down with gear and having to drag one of the other deployees, a rather stout 250-pound guy, about 40 feet after running and climbing a two-story ladder, etc. Most telling was this fact: 49 people showed up and 34 passed.

An early breakfast because the chow hall closed at eight AM, then we waited two hours for our first formation. Formerly, a “formation” was a group of individuals standing in a formation. Around here, it’s more like a casual, outdoor meeting. Our den mother, Mike, led us to the one-acre tent where we filled out all the forms. About noon, he was done with us. As I was walking back to where our billets and chow hall were, we stopped. An Army bus was discharging passengers to the tent and we were supposed to ride the bus to the chow hall. Then, without warning, we were not supposed to ride the bus. So we walked.

The food was good- I elected the veal parmesan which was cooked well and some rice. I’m trying to avoid potatoes because of the carbs. I had some fruit for dessert and a glass of half-Diet Coke and half Mr. Pibb. We assembled on a basketball court and about two hundred of us route-stepped to a gym where we all sat down for a quick talk about finishing the forms (my group had none) and about how to complete the checklist regarding the computer-based training.

We went through the PowerPoint presentations quickly- terrorism, cultural awareness, sexual harassment, the Army’s morals, etc. Then we were done for today. Tomorrow morning at seven, we’ll meet and do more things. Mike briefed us – we’ll watch videos tomorrow morning, then we’ll see the Army’s medical and psychological folks, and by Friday we should be on a plane for Dubai.

# posted by rich @ 7:51 AM